Today's not a good day

So far today it is not going very well for me.. Dealing a little with PPD and its just not a fun thing.. I also binged somewhat today because of my feelings. I am overall not in a good mood.
I went to the doc for my 6 week post partum check up and stepped on their scale and it said 249!!!!!!! WHAT!!! I mean I know that my scale could be off from theirs but not by that much! Then I find out that my BP was 140/something... I blocked out the bottom number when I heard 140.. Then I want to extend my maternity leave which the office won't have a problem filling out the paperwork for but my stupid job's insurance people for disablitly may give me a hard time with allowing it to be paid which means that I will be returning to work sooner than I would want to.. I really do not think that I am mentally prepared to go back to work yet personally.. So I will pray about it and trust in God to work this out..
So I came home and weighed myself and my scale at home said 246! Now, I know that I said that I would wait until next week to weigh myself but because of the number today I just HAD to try at home. Now this is very disappointing and it makes me feel horrible.. This scale is so mind controlling! I hate it.. that is whay I wanted to stay away from it for a week or two.
It is wierd because I have noticed that I am loosing in all areas of my body.. serious inches.. ( I have not measured before nor now but I can feel and see it in my clothes) So I guess this can count as a NSV! :)

Yesterday the hubby wanted to eat out at JAke's Burgers.. So since I knew this ahead of time I ate a lower calorie amount of food for breakfast and lunch and watched my snacking and made sure I worked out so that I wouldn't feel that guilty eating out. I got their Gardenburger sandwich and it was good.. I shared fries with the hubby and had water to drink. So I think that I did good.

hmmmm... sooo here is what I have ate so far today... I am not proud of this but I need to hold myself accountable for what I am doing...

Protein shake (1/2 banana, mixed berries)
Water (64 oz)
Fiber One Bar (90 calorie)
Sugar free fudge bar
6 Hershey Kisses (3 almond, 3 reg choc)
4 Girl Scout Thin Mint Cookies
Oatmeal with applesause
1/2 Glass of Red wine
Sushi (DYNAMITE ROLL-8 pieces of {Eel,asparagus, spicy tuna, tempura, special sauce}, SUMMER ROLL-6 pieces of {Fresh tuna, salmon, yellowtail, superwhite tuna and avocado, lettus, wrapped with soy paper})

It has a lot to do with emotional eating and I have to get that into control.. At some point I do tell myself to cut it out and stop it.. and then I stared to write this blog.

Other things include me still waiting on the letter from my school saying that I was admitted into the nursing program .. Im praying I get it.. rEally I want a seat really bad... but now I am getting scared .. I am going to stay as positive as I can be and try to avoid negative thoughts..

Off the topic but I am sitting here watching MTV.. Does anyone watch the series "I used to be fat"? I like watching them.. they are very motivational.. Makes me want to work out.
I may take a day off from working out today.. not sure as yet.. I am just not feeling it right now and the hubby wants us to go out tonight. We shall see...