Today's not a good day

So far today it is not going very well for me.. Dealing a little with PPD and its just not a fun thing.. I also binged somewhat today because of my feelings. I am overall not in a good mood.
I went to the doc for my 6 week post partum check up and stepped on their scale and it said 249!!!!!!! WHAT!!! I mean I know that my scale could be off from theirs but not by that much! Then I find out that my BP was 140/something... I blocked out the bottom number when I heard 140.. Then I want to extend my maternity leave which the office won't have a problem filling out the paperwork for but my stupid job's insurance people for disablitly may give me a hard time with allowing it to be paid which means that I will be returning to work sooner than I would want to.. I really do not think that I am mentally prepared to go back to work yet personally.. So I will pray about it and trust in God to work this out..
So I came home and weighed myself and my scale at home said 246! Now, I know that I said that I would wait until next week to weigh myself but because of the number today I just HAD to try at home. Now this is very disappointing and it makes me feel horrible.. This scale is so mind controlling! I hate it.. that is whay I wanted to stay away from it for a week or two.
It is wierd because I have noticed that I am loosing in all areas of my body.. serious inches.. ( I have not measured before nor now but I can feel and see it in my clothes) So I guess this can count as a NSV! :)

Yesterday the hubby wanted to eat out at JAke's Burgers.. So since I knew this ahead of time I ate a lower calorie amount of food for breakfast and lunch and watched my snacking and made sure I worked out so that I wouldn't feel that guilty eating out. I got their Gardenburger sandwich and it was good.. I shared fries with the hubby and had water to drink. So I think that I did good.

hmmmm... sooo here is what I have ate so far today... I am not proud of this but I need to hold myself accountable for what I am doing...

Protein shake (1/2 banana, mixed berries)
Water (64 oz)
Fiber One Bar (90 calorie)
Sugar free fudge bar
6 Hershey Kisses (3 almond, 3 reg choc)
4 Girl Scout Thin Mint Cookies
Oatmeal with applesause
1/2 Glass of Red wine
Sushi (DYNAMITE ROLL-8 pieces of {Eel,asparagus, spicy tuna, tempura, special sauce}, SUMMER ROLL-6 pieces of {Fresh tuna, salmon, yellowtail, superwhite tuna and avocado, lettus, wrapped with soy paper})

It has a lot to do with emotional eating and I have to get that into control.. At some point I do tell myself to cut it out and stop it.. and then I stared to write this blog.

Other things include me still waiting on the letter from my school saying that I was admitted into the nursing program .. Im praying I get it.. rEally I want a seat really bad... but now I am getting scared .. I am going to stay as positive as I can be and try to avoid negative thoughts..

Off the topic but I am sitting here watching MTV.. Does anyone watch the series "I used to be fat"? I like watching them.. they are very motivational.. Makes me want to work out.
I may take a day off from working out today.. not sure as yet.. I am just not feeling it right now and the hubby wants us to go out tonight. We shall see...

To Weigh or Not to Weigh/// Snacks

I think that I may take off weighing in this week. Not to be unaccountable but because I want to be out of the 240's and I do not want to dwell on another week with knowing a number on the scale on this. I will not let the scale determine my victories all the time! So for now I will focus on NSV's being able to fit better in my jeans and shirts and then possibly weigh in next week so it will be 2 weeks since the last weigh in. Hopefully I will be in the 230's by that time.

My last post I said that I would put down some snacks that I eat now so I just want to put it down now.. Here are some...
Frozen grapes
Sugar Free Chocolate Fudge bars
100 calorie pack choc covered pretzles
slice of wheat bread with 1 tsp of PB
Handful of nut-trition nuts
Fiber one Bars
Adkins Bars
Greek yogurt or light 'n fit yogurt

Thats all for right now, Im sure this list will grow when I come across more healthy ideas for snacks :)

Things I am going to do differently...

I am going to do a couple things different this time around and this will hopefully aide me in keeping off the weight in my long term efforts. The first is what I have been doing and keeping my blog open about what I am doing. The next is to take credit for any compliments that I receive and being truthful. In the past when I have lost weight I denied any compliments and would "act" as if I was not loosing when people would notice. In my mind if I would admit to the weight loss and take the compliment I would feel like my motivation would dwiddle down and I would not be motivated as much to loose the rest no matter how much it would be. Now I know it is mind over matter and I am going to talk and accept my compliments.. I have earned them with the hard work that I am putting into my workouts!
NOw, I know that I will not always be noticed by my weight loss and can not expect to be acknowleged every time I see someone but I can graciously accept their words and take it for my own.

I am also thinking about making some short term/long term weight loss goals as I have seen from other fellow blogger friends. I think my first short term goal is to reach 225lbs. Then I would like to have my next STG set to 199lbs. Why 199? because it is not in the 200's!! lol!!! I can not wait until ONEderland!!! I know I will be there before I know it! Im so excited to get there!!!
My next goal after that will be 180 and then 160. ONce I reach 160lbs. I will feel comfident enough to possibly maintain but I will stay at 155lbs for now just in case ;)

I will be tracking some foods that I eat. I am horrible of keeping a food journal/diary but I figured I could make a list of some things that I eat for breakfast, lunch , dinner and snacks.. This way I can refer back when I am hungry if I can not figure out what to eat if I want something healthy instead of binging on something I will regret.

I have to get over regretting on eating out when I rarely do. I just have to make wiser decisions when I do. I still have to live my life, and I have to learn that I can not be that hard on myself. I can be so hard on myself that I do not feel like working out because of poor food decisions because I figure, "What is the point!" Most people would probobly have this as a motivation to work out or work out even harder but I am backwards with this! lol!

I am still keeping my other goals in mind of when I loose 25lbs, 50lbs etc in mind on what I will do to treat myself.. My 25lbs goal will be up soon.. possibly within the next month or so.. and that will be my LV purse!!! I am also currently looking into getting a Michael Khors one though.. I live by one of the outlets and I have been wanting one of these for a while now but just didn't get one.. I always choose Coach..So this may be my -25lbs weight loss present to myself! I can not wait to get to 50lb loss!! I will be going to the HErshey SPa!!! YEAH!!!!!!! I LOOOVEE Chocolate! and to be drizzled in it will be AmAzInG!!!!

After-Workout feeling feels gooood!

I love having a good workout ... u know, the one where you sweat a lot and it's practically dripping off like water! It makes me feel like I am doing a lot and feels like the weight is just falling off! Now, its not feeling too good while im in one of the body bending exercises but I keep telling myself that Its only for 30 minutes or so.. so its not going to last that long. But when I am done and all stretched out it feels wonderful! I guess its due to those endorphins too! IDK... but I feel good! I look better aftr a workout too.. I have a nice rosey face and I swear I look smaller! ;o

Tomorrow I may take a day off from exercising as a rest day.. just because I have to take the kids to a doctor's appt. and I have an appt. myself.. Then I guess I will take a walk around in the mall (that can be my workout I guess) ...

How many times do you work out??

I would like to know what is your goal/aim for how many times you work out a week? I am aiming for the whole 7 days so that when a situation arises where I can not for a day or two, I won't feel that bad. I think that I like the feeling of working out everyday so far and I think that It will get you to goal quicker (not that Im looking for awuick fix) but it feels good to workout everyday.

Yesterday I did the first day of circuit 2 with JM30DS! It was HARD AS HECK!!!! In circuit 2 she focusses on a lot of plank workout variations. I felt like I was going to die, and she actually says that she wants you to feel like that in the DVD! lol!!!
I feel wonderful this morning though.. Today will make day 2! One day at a time! :)

The weather has been feeling very good.. nice and sunny and in the high 50's and 60's! Spring is a'comin'!!! I am soo happy! I love the Spring and Fall weather! :) It has a nostalgic feel in the air with these seasons!

I do not like this scale// Tuesday Weigh in

First sorry about the pics.. I tried to post this really quick because the baby is crying and wants another botle.. So anyway... I weighed myself this morning and yes I lost but these are the readings that I got... First was..










Then I decided to weigh myself again and I got...


It is not a big significance number between the two but it does not give me a solid number.. so I went with the higher one.. the 243 so that if I loose more next week it will make me feel better.. ( I guess it is mind over matter :/)

Today is also day 11 of my Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred.. which means I start circuit 2.. I pray I can keep this going.. I was not motivated at ALL yesterday to exercise.. so I took a day off.. So I only did 9 days of circuit one.. but I am okay with that.. At first I wasn't and on top of it all I ate tons of chocolate.. (well, it was Valentines day, right?!? lol!!! ) BUT I know that I will have to be realistic with my eating habits.. I am not really doing cheat days so I have a treat or so when I feel like I can but in moderation..

Motivation please!! Thank you :)

Sooo I did what I said that I would'nt do and stepped on the scale early this morning. It said 244.6.. I am not happy about this but I can not be too upset. I have lost some but not as much as I would have lost... then again It has not been a full week as yet. But I know that I have had about two days that I did eat junk.. For superbowl on Sunday and also lastnight with some friends and the DH. We had drinks and good food! :)
I have to loose weight in a way that I can still live and enjoy life and food, so I in a way I do not feel too bad because I have to be realistic and just know which is the wisest thing to eat while I am out.
Motivation is good to have within yourself first but it can be hard maintaining it... but I do have a NSV!!!
I was able to fit into a spring jacket that I had for years that could not fit. I am excited about this and it makes me want to work harder..
I am hoping that the next time I weigh myself that I am at least 242! I am hoping to be in teh 230's within the next 2 weeks. I think I can make this happen...
I am just looking at the light at the end of the tunnel and I can not wait until I am at my half way mark which is 200!!! I think I can make it here by July/August but no pressure..
I really pray that I get a seat for my clinicals this fall.. Please keep me in prayer!!! I am excited for my future!!!!!!!

Tuesdays Weigh In

I purchased a scale today from Walmart... Its a Health o Meter..I really like the WW one but I think that this one will to for now.. It tracks your weight progress from the last weigh in and can do this for two people.. so my DH can track his too. Its pretty nice in design too and all this for about $25. The WW one will run me about $50 sooooo if and when I need to replace, then I may get the WW scale then.

Well.. so... I got on it and I got a nice #!! :)
It said that I was 245lbs!!! YEAH!!!! So that means that I lost 5lbs in one week (with a rest day)!! I pray that I keep this up.. That would be AWESOME!!!

I am currently on day 4 (tomorrow day 5) of Jillian Michaels 30 day shred.. I am getting more and more endurance from it. I am excited to finish this through...
Today was a bit tough for me to get the motivation to do it.. I was a little stressed with the kids today but I got the encouragement from my DH when he got home from work.. Like, seriously I was NOT feeling like working out at ALL.. I started to eat and eat.. My DH told me that this is the day that I need to push through and get through this.. I love him soo... he is such a good coach.. So I put on my workout clothes and got to work and I felt soooo good after the workout..

Im sooo tired now though.. my energy boost is up and im about to make the baby his bottles and go to sleep! LOL!!! Hope everyone else is feeling good! I'll talk to you guys soon! :)

What I have been eating/doing/workouts

This is really random and in no particular order but, As far as eating I have been doing EAS protein shakes in the morning or mid afternoon After my workouts.. I have been eating frozen yellow grapes(YUMM!!) I have been eating peanut butter on wheat bread (1 piece) when I have a hunger pain and its not time for a meal yet. For dinner I always have protein.. mostly chicken but I have had pork and beaf.. I am definately watching my portions and have cut junk food out completely. I have been drinking or at least getting close to my 64oz of water daily. I take flinstones multi-vitamins... lol! hey! they do the job! :)
For a sweet tooth snack, I have been having the 100 calorie pack choc fudge covered pretzles! Mmmmmm!!! chocolate is my weakness!! ;)

For workouts.. we have on demand which is featured on our local cable box. I do the exercises on there that are for free.. WHICH ARE A LOT! lol! I have a lot to choose from. I also have the WII and WII Fit board which I fit in from time to time.. I plan to work out every day for at least 30 min. but I have put in one rest day so far.. but my aim is to go everyday unless I am majorly sore. That way I know that my body is going to get a workout for the majority of the week. After I get bored with the TV workouts then I may join my local gym again.. but the free'r the better! (Free'r is sooo not a word, but just came to mind then) haha!!

As far as what I am doing right now, I am patiently waiting to hear a reply from my school to see if I got a clinical seat for their ADN program this fall.. I am PRAYING I get in! That would be AWESOME!!! Please pray for me.. This would be a wonderful blessing!!!

I would like to get my youtube page going with videos.. probobly about my weight loss mixed in beauty (makeup and hair)... IDK as yet.. but I would like to start it this month..
I went to Sallys yesterday and stocked up on some China Glaze and other nail polishes..


I also got some items at the mall from the body shop...
Then we went to sephora and got my fragrance "Taj Sunset" my Escada.. Smells eatibly delish! :)

As far as a more immediate doing.. me and hubby are going to a superbowl party tonight.. We are rooting for the steelers!!! YAY!!!
I am also going to be going out to a birthday party next weekend for one of my girlfriends from high schools 30th birthday party.. This will be one of the first party/clubs I will be going to in YEARS!!! So I would like to look nice.. I have a couple options to go with.. its a masquerade party.. So I have to get a mask too!! How fun!!! I have to take pics! :)
Now just to think of some shoes...

Can not wait until I can do my weigh in on Tuesday.. hmmmmmm or maybe I can.. Im scared about not loosing or staying to same.. we shall see..

10lbs down!!!

So I just figured that I would weigh myself to day because I felt a difference in my clothes and the way they fit.. Well the scale said I was exactly 250lbs!!!! YAY!! Now most of it I know is water weight esp. from just having my baby boy but its still something! :) This definately is a motivator to keep on working out and eating right. Today was a busy day for me and I proboly will not workout tonight but I will be back at it tomorrow..
My husband just told me he loved me.. This was really random but he wanted me to type it right now...LOL!!!
Anywho..I am dealing with Post partum depression but I am handeling it pretty well today and hopefully it gets better as the days go on.
My weekness today: CHOCOLATE!!!! I allowed myself to have 6 hershey kisses and it felt sooo good! I can have a treat in moderation every now and again and I dont think 6 will hurt me that much... right?! I guess I will see next week Tuesday.. I'm at least going to try to weigh myself every Tuesday. I dont have the scale that I want yet.. well, I dont have a scale at all but my mom does.. So I may go to her house and check it there... or I may buy a cheaper scale for now for my house.. either way Im going to try to do my weigh ins on Tuesday.. Im praying I see some success. I am aiming for a 2lb loss every week! :)