Today's not a good day

So far today it is not going very well for me.. Dealing a little with PPD and its just not a fun thing.. I also binged somewhat today because of my feelings. I am overall not in a good mood.
I went to the doc for my 6 week post partum check up and stepped on their scale and it said 249!!!!!!! WHAT!!! I mean I know that my scale could be off from theirs but not by that much! Then I find out that my BP was 140/something... I blocked out the bottom number when I heard 140.. Then I want to extend my maternity leave which the office won't have a problem filling out the paperwork for but my stupid job's insurance people for disablitly may give me a hard time with allowing it to be paid which means that I will be returning to work sooner than I would want to.. I really do not think that I am mentally prepared to go back to work yet personally.. So I will pray about it and trust in God to work this out..
So I came home and weighed myself and my scale at home said 246! Now, I know that I said that I would wait until next week to weigh myself but because of the number today I just HAD to try at home. Now this is very disappointing and it makes me feel horrible.. This scale is so mind controlling! I hate it.. that is whay I wanted to stay away from it for a week or two.
It is wierd because I have noticed that I am loosing in all areas of my body.. serious inches.. ( I have not measured before nor now but I can feel and see it in my clothes) So I guess this can count as a NSV! :)

Yesterday the hubby wanted to eat out at JAke's Burgers.. So since I knew this ahead of time I ate a lower calorie amount of food for breakfast and lunch and watched my snacking and made sure I worked out so that I wouldn't feel that guilty eating out. I got their Gardenburger sandwich and it was good.. I shared fries with the hubby and had water to drink. So I think that I did good.

hmmmm... sooo here is what I have ate so far today... I am not proud of this but I need to hold myself accountable for what I am doing...

Protein shake (1/2 banana, mixed berries)
Water (64 oz)
Fiber One Bar (90 calorie)
Sugar free fudge bar
6 Hershey Kisses (3 almond, 3 reg choc)
4 Girl Scout Thin Mint Cookies
Oatmeal with applesause
1/2 Glass of Red wine
Sushi (DYNAMITE ROLL-8 pieces of {Eel,asparagus, spicy tuna, tempura, special sauce}, SUMMER ROLL-6 pieces of {Fresh tuna, salmon, yellowtail, superwhite tuna and avocado, lettus, wrapped with soy paper})

It has a lot to do with emotional eating and I have to get that into control.. At some point I do tell myself to cut it out and stop it.. and then I stared to write this blog.

Other things include me still waiting on the letter from my school saying that I was admitted into the nursing program .. Im praying I get it.. rEally I want a seat really bad... but now I am getting scared .. I am going to stay as positive as I can be and try to avoid negative thoughts..

Off the topic but I am sitting here watching MTV.. Does anyone watch the series "I used to be fat"? I like watching them.. they are very motivational.. Makes me want to work out.
I may take a day off from working out today.. not sure as yet.. I am just not feeling it right now and the hubby wants us to go out tonight. We shall see...

To Weigh or Not to Weigh/// Snacks

I think that I may take off weighing in this week. Not to be unaccountable but because I want to be out of the 240's and I do not want to dwell on another week with knowing a number on the scale on this. I will not let the scale determine my victories all the time! So for now I will focus on NSV's being able to fit better in my jeans and shirts and then possibly weigh in next week so it will be 2 weeks since the last weigh in. Hopefully I will be in the 230's by that time.

My last post I said that I would put down some snacks that I eat now so I just want to put it down now.. Here are some...
Frozen grapes
Sugar Free Chocolate Fudge bars
100 calorie pack choc covered pretzles
slice of wheat bread with 1 tsp of PB
Handful of nut-trition nuts
Fiber one Bars
Adkins Bars
Greek yogurt or light 'n fit yogurt

Thats all for right now, Im sure this list will grow when I come across more healthy ideas for snacks :)

Things I am going to do differently...

I am going to do a couple things different this time around and this will hopefully aide me in keeping off the weight in my long term efforts. The first is what I have been doing and keeping my blog open about what I am doing. The next is to take credit for any compliments that I receive and being truthful. In the past when I have lost weight I denied any compliments and would "act" as if I was not loosing when people would notice. In my mind if I would admit to the weight loss and take the compliment I would feel like my motivation would dwiddle down and I would not be motivated as much to loose the rest no matter how much it would be. Now I know it is mind over matter and I am going to talk and accept my compliments.. I have earned them with the hard work that I am putting into my workouts!
NOw, I know that I will not always be noticed by my weight loss and can not expect to be acknowleged every time I see someone but I can graciously accept their words and take it for my own.

I am also thinking about making some short term/long term weight loss goals as I have seen from other fellow blogger friends. I think my first short term goal is to reach 225lbs. Then I would like to have my next STG set to 199lbs. Why 199? because it is not in the 200's!! lol!!! I can not wait until ONEderland!!! I know I will be there before I know it! Im so excited to get there!!!
My next goal after that will be 180 and then 160. ONce I reach 160lbs. I will feel comfident enough to possibly maintain but I will stay at 155lbs for now just in case ;)

I will be tracking some foods that I eat. I am horrible of keeping a food journal/diary but I figured I could make a list of some things that I eat for breakfast, lunch , dinner and snacks.. This way I can refer back when I am hungry if I can not figure out what to eat if I want something healthy instead of binging on something I will regret.

I have to get over regretting on eating out when I rarely do. I just have to make wiser decisions when I do. I still have to live my life, and I have to learn that I can not be that hard on myself. I can be so hard on myself that I do not feel like working out because of poor food decisions because I figure, "What is the point!" Most people would probobly have this as a motivation to work out or work out even harder but I am backwards with this! lol!

I am still keeping my other goals in mind of when I loose 25lbs, 50lbs etc in mind on what I will do to treat myself.. My 25lbs goal will be up soon.. possibly within the next month or so.. and that will be my LV purse!!! I am also currently looking into getting a Michael Khors one though.. I live by one of the outlets and I have been wanting one of these for a while now but just didn't get one.. I always choose Coach..So this may be my -25lbs weight loss present to myself! I can not wait to get to 50lb loss!! I will be going to the HErshey SPa!!! YEAH!!!!!!! I LOOOVEE Chocolate! and to be drizzled in it will be AmAzInG!!!!

After-Workout feeling feels gooood!

I love having a good workout ... u know, the one where you sweat a lot and it's practically dripping off like water! It makes me feel like I am doing a lot and feels like the weight is just falling off! Now, its not feeling too good while im in one of the body bending exercises but I keep telling myself that Its only for 30 minutes or so.. so its not going to last that long. But when I am done and all stretched out it feels wonderful! I guess its due to those endorphins too! IDK... but I feel good! I look better aftr a workout too.. I have a nice rosey face and I swear I look smaller! ;o

Tomorrow I may take a day off from exercising as a rest day.. just because I have to take the kids to a doctor's appt. and I have an appt. myself.. Then I guess I will take a walk around in the mall (that can be my workout I guess) ...

How many times do you work out??

I would like to know what is your goal/aim for how many times you work out a week? I am aiming for the whole 7 days so that when a situation arises where I can not for a day or two, I won't feel that bad. I think that I like the feeling of working out everyday so far and I think that It will get you to goal quicker (not that Im looking for awuick fix) but it feels good to workout everyday.

Yesterday I did the first day of circuit 2 with JM30DS! It was HARD AS HECK!!!! In circuit 2 she focusses on a lot of plank workout variations. I felt like I was going to die, and she actually says that she wants you to feel like that in the DVD! lol!!!
I feel wonderful this morning though.. Today will make day 2! One day at a time! :)

The weather has been feeling very good.. nice and sunny and in the high 50's and 60's! Spring is a'comin'!!! I am soo happy! I love the Spring and Fall weather! :) It has a nostalgic feel in the air with these seasons!

I do not like this scale// Tuesday Weigh in

First sorry about the pics.. I tried to post this really quick because the baby is crying and wants another botle.. So anyway... I weighed myself this morning and yes I lost but these are the readings that I got... First was..










Then I decided to weigh myself again and I got...


It is not a big significance number between the two but it does not give me a solid number.. so I went with the higher one.. the 243 so that if I loose more next week it will make me feel better.. ( I guess it is mind over matter :/)

Today is also day 11 of my Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred.. which means I start circuit 2.. I pray I can keep this going.. I was not motivated at ALL yesterday to exercise.. so I took a day off.. So I only did 9 days of circuit one.. but I am okay with that.. At first I wasn't and on top of it all I ate tons of chocolate.. (well, it was Valentines day, right?!? lol!!! ) BUT I know that I will have to be realistic with my eating habits.. I am not really doing cheat days so I have a treat or so when I feel like I can but in moderation..

Motivation please!! Thank you :)

Sooo I did what I said that I would'nt do and stepped on the scale early this morning. It said 244.6.. I am not happy about this but I can not be too upset. I have lost some but not as much as I would have lost... then again It has not been a full week as yet. But I know that I have had about two days that I did eat junk.. For superbowl on Sunday and also lastnight with some friends and the DH. We had drinks and good food! :)
I have to loose weight in a way that I can still live and enjoy life and food, so I in a way I do not feel too bad because I have to be realistic and just know which is the wisest thing to eat while I am out.
Motivation is good to have within yourself first but it can be hard maintaining it... but I do have a NSV!!!
I was able to fit into a spring jacket that I had for years that could not fit. I am excited about this and it makes me want to work harder..
I am hoping that the next time I weigh myself that I am at least 242! I am hoping to be in teh 230's within the next 2 weeks. I think I can make this happen...
I am just looking at the light at the end of the tunnel and I can not wait until I am at my half way mark which is 200!!! I think I can make it here by July/August but no pressure..
I really pray that I get a seat for my clinicals this fall.. Please keep me in prayer!!! I am excited for my future!!!!!!!